No for real.  I’ve always jokingly said I’m a hypochondriac.  I feel anything I swear I’m dying and I go to the doctor.  Over the years though I’ve been hella right about stuff.  This last time about 10 weeks ago wasn’t any different.  But first let me set the scene.

From the beginning of this year I had kind of felt like I was losing my voice…getting raspy voiced , “Eartha Kitt” style.  I ignored it, figured it was from all the presentations I do.  Fast forward some months and I got strep throat when I DO NOT HAVE TONSILS.  let me repeat I DO NOT HAVE TONSILS.  I said to my Doc is that even possible?  She seemed a little dumbfounded and said let’s see if this z pack works.  I thought to myself, “I’ve got throat cancer”  no “maybe my tonsils grew back…am I mutant?  Does that even happen?”  I’m kind of ashamed of the things I googled during this time.  But the Z pack worked, so I went on with my life.  About a month later I turned a ripe 40 years old…and I partied hard.  So hard I lost my voice (I never lose my voice).  A couple of weeks later I was in the car driving to work singing Whitney’s “I Have Nothing”.  By singing I should say whispering and lip syncing, except I was exerting the effort to sing.  I’m no SANG-er but luckily I’m so vain that I wanted to be able to sing along to songs.  I made an appointment with my Ear Nose and Throat doctor   (same one who got rid of my tonsils) thinking I had allergies.

So a week later, I go to my doc and explain my symptoms (tired voice and throat, clearing of my throat all day, a feeling of a lump in my throat, plugged ears, deeper voice, and excessive running nose) and say I think I have allergies.  She does an endoscopy (this feels like what I imagine it would feel like to have snakes in your nose.  Not a snake but multiple.  It makes you feel like you have to sneeze but then you never sneeze.  Sooooo annoying.) Back to the story, she looks through the death snake and says “No, you have gerd, silent gerd.”  Me “what?  gout?  Are you saying gout?”  How the F*ck do you get gout in the throat I’m thinking.  (that’s what she said) She corrects me and tell me I have GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) which in essence is acid reflux.  You can read up on it HERE.  However, mine is trickier because mine is SILENT.  Mute.  Do that heffa talk? or is you quiet?  What does it mean to have silent acid reflux? You don’t feel anything.  It’s happening to you while you think everything is fine.  When do you realize you have it?  When you are riding along in your car and it hurts to yell sing to Whitney Houston.  That is when.  In essence the stomach acid is burning you from the inside and from your stomach into your esophagus and then it starts to burn your vocal box and throat.  That’s where I was at….and all I could say was I knew something was wrong.  No big deal right? EVERYONE has acid reflux, I can just take some meds and be fine right doc?

Not really she says.  THIS IS WHEN SHIT GOT REAL.  Whattt????? She tells me to go home and read this book titled “Killing you softly from the inside”.  Romantic.  I can’t wait to read it.  And then she says I need to take a culture of your throat because it looks very bad.  Insert Panic here.  How bad?   What you have is the leading cause of Esophageal Cancer.  WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?  So Nippy warned me?  ThankyaWhitney!

So I go home, I order the book on my phone and I read while I eat pizza.  Because when you are afraid of dying you eat…well I at least did.  As I am eating a pepperoni slice and some buffalo wings and a bottle of wine, the book tells me I can’t eat the following in order to heal:

• tomatoes, garlic, onion, peppers (yes black pepper too)
• white bread or flour
• citrus fruits and apples peaches, and grapes
• pork
• processed meats and cheeses
• vinegar
• any sauce/dressing
• chocolate
• coffee or tea, decaf or not
• mint
• anything fried
• fruit juices or soda
• no sugar
• ALCOHOL

At this point, I put the book down and cried my eyes out.  I’m eating 3 of the things I’m not supposed to have.  I woke up the next morning, wiped my eyes, threw out all of the contraband food and got focused.  I ain’t got not time for silent GERD.

Here’s the plus:  I am now on week 10 of this journey.  I’ve lost 25 pounds, and I feel a ton better.  Do I miss cake and juice and sweet sweet alcohol?  Of course I do, although now I am cleared for wine and decaf tea.  The culture came back as cancer free and I am singing again.  I murdered Hold On by En Vogue yesterday in the car.

Moral of the story, don’t ignore the signs.  If I didn’t love singing in the car so much I would have ignored everything else and taken a Zyrtec.  And this is coming from someone who is a hypochondriac.  Just do me the solid and if you feel like something is wrong…go get it checked out.

Any questions or recipes that are in the safe zone let me know.  Next up I need to tell you what a change in eating like this does to your body AND spirit.